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240 Funny Alcohol Quotes That Will Make You Spit Your Drink Out

It’s all fun and games until you wake up the next morning …

Alcohol is beloved worldwide for making us feel more confident, uplifted, and easygoing. Drinking alcohol can lead to laughter, crazy antics, and fun times. As long as you enjoy it responsibly, alcohol can lift your spirits and boost your social confidence.

Drinking is just plain fun. It symbolizes celebration, happiness, and comfort and brings us together to enjoy life’s greatest moments. Some of our fondest memories consist of drinking in the dorms with our college roommates, toasting our best friends at their wedding, or simply celebrating the arrival of the new year.

We all deserve to have some fun now and then (responsible fun, of course). For those who enjoy a good happy hour, these quotes about alcohol should perfectly summarize how you feel. Whether you like beer, wine, or liquor, there’s something for everyone to aenjoy.

Share these alcohol quotes and sayings with all of your drinking buddies and motivate them to have a good time.

Remember always to drink responsibly and enjoy in moderation.

240 Quotes About Alcohol We Love

Top 10 Alcohol Quotes

“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort, it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well-made cocktail.” – David Sedaris

“There are six components of wellness: proper weight and diet, proper exercise, breaking the smoking habit, control of alcohol, stress management and periodic exams.” – Kenneth H. Cooper

“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.” – William Butler Yeats

“Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use any other drug with special horror.” – William S. Burroughs

“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.” – Alex Levin

“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” – Mark Twain

“My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food and a little whiskey.” – William Faulkner

“No doubt alcohol, tobacco, and so forth, are things that a saint must avoid; but sainthood is also a thing that human beings must avoid.” – George Orwell

“New wine may please the eye, but the tongue always prefers the old.” – Sunny

“Money, like vodka, can play queer tricks with a man.” – Anton Chekhov

Alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse. CAROLINE KNAPPAmerican Writer

Funny Alcohol Quotes

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“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“To a drinker the sensation is real and pure and akin to something spiritual: you seek; in the bottle, you find.” – Caroline Knapp

“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time” – Catherine Zandonella

“Three ounces of any remedy containing 78 percent alcohol can, under special circumstances, induce miracles – to this I can attest.” – Rena Gazaway

“They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.” – Stephen Colbert

“There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch.” – Lt. Archie Hicox

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” – Dave Barry

“Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.” – Louis Pasteur

“Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient Champagne.” – Dorothy Parker

“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” – W. Clement Stone

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra

“Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Tobacco and alcohol, delicious fathers of abiding friendships and fertile reveries.” – Luis Bunuel

“What good can drinkin’ do, what good can drinkin’ do? / Lord, I drink all night but the next day I still feel blue.” – Janis Joplin

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine ! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.” – Cliff Clavin

“To some it’s a six-pack. To me it’s a Support Group.” – Leo Durocher

“Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” – Pope John XXIII

“A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.” – Louis Pasteur

“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.” – Albert Einstein

“24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” – H.L. Mencken

“It is the wine that leads me on, the wild wine that sets the wisest man to sing at the top of his lungs, laugh like a fool — it drives the man to dancing… it even tempts him to blurt out stories better never told.” – Homer

“Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!” – Eleanor Early

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

“Alcohol provides the only true escape, that’s why it still remains in such high demand.” – Robert Black

l said no to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen.

Short Alcohol Quotes

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“You say potato, I say vodka.” – Karen Walker

“You look like I need a drink.”

“Wine is sunlight, held together by water.” – Galileo

“Why is the rum gone?” – Jack Sparrow

“Whiskey and ice and everything nice.”

“Vodka is kind of a hobby.” – Betty White

“Trust me you can dance”- Vodka”

“There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.”

“Shaken, not stirred.” – James Bond

“Save water, drink beer.”

“I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King

“I quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.”

“He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato

“He that drinks fast, pays slow.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Good people drink good beer.” – Hunter S. Thompson

“Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” – Rumi

“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” – Seneca

“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” – Ron Swanson

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” – Ogden Nash

“Better belly burst than good liquor be lost.” – Jonathan Swift

“Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.” – Jack Nicholson

“Alcohol + “Watch this!” = 911”

“A drink is shorter than a tale.” – Scottish proverb

“Alcohol kills slowly. Good, I’m in no hurry.” – Coluche

“Never chase anything but drinks and dreams.” – Unknown

“According to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.”

“Alcohol: Some of the best times you’ll never remember.”

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” – Steve Fergosi

“Alcohol is the worst enemy of the imagination.” – Patrick Kavanagh

“I do like to have fun. I don’t need alcohol to have fun.” – Rima Fakih

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields

“Alcohol is man’s universal translator.” – Anthony T. Hincks

“Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.” – Sammy Davis

“Remember ‘I’ before ‘E’, except in Budweiser.” – Professor Irwin Corey

“Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” – George Carlin

“Sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.” – Rob Lowe

“In alcohol’s defence, I’ve done some idiotic shit sober.” – Mark Millar

“I’m feeling a bit overworked and under intoxicated.”

LET'S GET DRUNK, MAKE MISTAKES AND BLAME IT ON THE  ALCOHOL!

Alcohol Drink Quotes

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“A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

“Alcohol, I had learned, was an eloquent if somewhat inaccurate interpreter. I had placed my trust that December night in glass after glass of it, eager not for drink but for a bit of talk. ” – Monique Truong

“Drink washes off the daub and discovers the man.” – Thomas Fuller

“Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.” – Ben Jonson

“Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” – G.K. Chesterton

“Don’t be such a square. Everybody who’s anybody drinks.” – Lorraine Baines

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E Ellis

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Dean Martin

“I exercise self-control and never touch a beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.” – W. C. Fields

“I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.” – Oscar Levant

“I drink when I have occasion … and sometimes when I have no occasion.” – Miguel De Cervantes

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway

“I don’t need alcohol to see the world in its depths, I carry the sun in me.” – Lamine Pearlheart

“I don’t drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.” – Robert Downey

“I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.” – Dave Berry

“I like liquor — its tastes and effects — and that is just the reason why I’ll never drink it.” – Stonewall Jackson

“I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not.” – Coco Chanel

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” – W.C. Fields

“I will drink alcohol socially. That’s really on the weekends.” – Romeo Santos

“If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.” – David Daye

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

“Independence is a heady draught, and if you drink it in your youth, it can have the same effect on the brain as young wine does. It does not matter that its taste is not always appealing. It is addictive and with each drink you want more.” – Maya Angelou

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk…..the trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” – George Burns

“Ive created a new drink! I’m calling it the Piñata Colada! Its sweet and tasty, but when you wake up the next morning your head feels like its been hitten with a stick.” – José N. Harris

“Life is important. There is nothing to hold onto. A man that drinks is throwing his life away. Don’t do it, hold on to your life. There is nothing else to hold on to …” – Tennessee Williams

“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Never lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.” – Alex Hitch

“Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets.” – Dudley Moore

“One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.” – Edward Burke

“One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.” – Lady Astor

“Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.” – Al Bundy

“People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.” – Ron White

“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.” – Mark Twain

“She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it’s there, because it can’t hurt, and because what difference does it make?” – Toni Morrison

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame! Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work, and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver” – Jack Handey

“Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.” – Herman Smith- Johannsen

“That’s what I do. I drink and I know things.” – Tyrion Lannister

“The more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.” – Phoebe Buffay

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart

“There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.” – Chelsea Handler

“There was a thing called Heaven; but all the same they used to drink enormous quantities of alcohol.” – Aldous Huxley

“War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.” – William Faulkner

“When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” – Brian O’Rourke

“Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” – Noel Coward

“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.” – Steve Martin

People say alcohol causes many deaths, but they never consider how many people where born cuz of it.

Alcohol Quotes Sad

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“We want ecstasy as a way of life, not a liver-poisoning alcoholiday from it.” – Crimethinc

“Wasted away again in Margaritaville.” – Jimmy Buffett

“Alcohol is the only drug on earth you have to justify not taking.” – Annie Grace

“Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.” – Finley Peter Dunne

“Alcohol decimated the working class and so many people.” – Martin Scorsese

“Scotch: Because one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine.”

“Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.” – Conan O’Brien

“It did occur to me that the effect of good literature may be as dizzying as that of alcohol.” – Pamela Dean

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” – Benjamin Franklin

“In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power, and in water there is bacteria.”

“I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.” – Mark Twain

“Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields

“Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” – W.C. Fields

“I am more afraid of alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy.” – Stonewall Jackson

“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Avoid using cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs as alternatives to being an interesting person.” – Marilyn vos Savant

“As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.” – Robin Williams

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”

“I’m not a great pothead or anything like that… but weed is much, much less dangerous than alcohol.” – Johnny Depp

“I like to have a martini. Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table. After four I’m under my host.” – Dorothy Parker

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.” – Hunter S. Thompson

“The day I became free of alcohol was the day that I fully understood and embraced the truth that I would not be giving anything up by not drinking.” – Liz Hemingway

“The best thing is the combined effect of nicotine with alcohol, greater than the sum of the two parts.” – Sebastian Faulks

“The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.” – Michael Caine

“It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.” – Lindsay Lohan

“Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” – Joan Collins

“After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.” – Oscar Wilde

“I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy” – Dean Martin

“I wonder if there is a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.”

“I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.” – Ava Gardner

“I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.” – Charles Bukowski

“It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.” – Tom Papa

“It is sad that people need alcohol to make them happy.” – Habeeb Akande

“One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.” – James Thurber

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? You know there’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey

“Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.” – Robert A. Heinlein

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry

I legit only drink water, coffee or alcohol. I'm either hydrated, drunk, or jittery as hell.

Alcohol Addiction Quotes

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“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler

“There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled.” – Ovid

“There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.” – Bette Davis

“Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.” – John Green

“Sure I eat what I advertise. Sure I eat Wheaties for breakfast. A good bowl of Wheaties with bourbon can’t be beat.” – Dizzy Dean

“The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.” – William James

“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” – Jeff Foxworthy

“The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk they’re sober.” – William Butler Yeats

“That’s all drugs and alcohol do, they cut off your emotions in the end.” – Ringo Starr

“If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.” – W.C. Fields

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.” – Dorothy Parker

“I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.” – Jim Carrey

“Some people are extroverts only when they are drunk.” – Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.” – Carl Jung

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.” – Dave Barry

“I don’t consume alcohol or colas. But I don’t judge people who do. People make their own decisions.” – Ayushmann Khurrana

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“And then alcohol said, “Put that on Facebook, it’s hilarious.” But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong.”

“Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.”

“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.” – Tom Waits

“Can’t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don’t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?” – Jerry Seinfeld

“I’m not really the party person. I don’t ‘become myself’ once I’m drunk. I don’t use alcohol to be happy.” – Jessie J

“Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” – Ernest Hemingway

“Alcohol- The best “night-time, speech slurring, headache creating, dehydration having, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance” medicine.”

“Mankind: A quality of life upgrade is available to each and every one of you. It should give you a quality of life upgrade, which means no drugs, no alcohol, no fast food – unless, of course, it’s a mallard.” – Ted Nugent

“Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.” – Compton Mackenzie

“Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

“It’s strange how eight glasses of water a day seems impossible, but eight beers is so damn easy!”

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway

I DON'T JUDGE YOU FOR DRINKING, SO DON'T JUDGE ME FOR NOT DRINKING.

Drinking Alcohol Quotes

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“Not drinking makes me a lot happier.” – Naomi Campbell

“My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they’re going to do for the next five or 10 years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking.” – Amy Winehouse

“My friends speak of my drinking…. but they know not of my thirst”

“Let me be the first to tell you, drinking alcohol is the worst thing to do in cold weather. Hot soup is the best because the process of digesting food helps to warm you up.” – Morgan Freeman

“It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.” – Tina Fey

“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.” – Jack Handy

“I used to think drinking was bad for me, so I gave up thinking.”

“Drinking wine is like using magic: there’s always a price to pay.” – Neel Burton

“Drinking makes you happy with your body the way it is.” – Philip Rosenthal

“Drinking makes uninteresting people matter less and late at night, matter not at all.” – Lillian Hellman

“Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.” – Robert Benchley

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” – Chelsea Handler

“When you quit drinking, you stop waiting.” – Caroline Knapp

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Henny Youngman

“What’s drinking? A mere pause from thinking!” – George Gordon

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde

“They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.” – Don Draper

“I hate the taste of alcohol. When I’m drinking, I’m drinking Red Bull.” – Paris Hilton

“I don’t have a drinking problem, ‘cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU DON'T NEED ALCOHOL TO HAVE FUN WELL, YOU DON'T NEED RUNNING SHOES TO RUN. BUT IT HELPS.

Stop Drinking Alcohol Quotes

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“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.” – Jimmy Breslin

“The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.” – Lewis Grizzard

“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.” – Amrose Bierce

“A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

“The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.” – Phyllis Diller

“I try to convince myself that it’s the alcohol talking. But alcohol can’t talk. It just sits there. It can’t even get itself out of the bottle.” – David Levithan

“I pray you, do not fall in love with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine.” – William Shakespeare

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson

“Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” – Bob Marley

“A man may acquire a taste for wine or brandy, and so lose his love for water, but should we not pity him.” – Henry David Thoreau

“A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.” – Winston S. Churchill

“Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky and a dog to eat the rare steak.” – Johnny Carson

“Hakuna Ma’Vodka- It means no memories for the rest of your night. ”

“Give me coffee to change the things I can and wine to accept those that I cannot.”

“From the fool and the drunkard you may learn the truth.” – Modern Greek proverb

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill

“Almost anything can be preserved in alcohol, except health, happiness, and money.” – Mary Wilson Little

“All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.” – Homer Simpson

“Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.” – Oscar Wilde

“Alcohol won’t solve your problems. Then again, neither will milk.”

“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy

“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.” – Richard Braunstein

“The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for my enemies.” – William Temple

“Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches. When you can’t get the straw in the hole anymore, you’ve had enough.”

I followed my heart and it led me to Alcohol!

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