Last Updated: December 26, 2022 by Quote.cc Team
The best comeback is not through violence. It is to outsmart your opponent by insulting them intelligently with none swearing replies, also known as a punchline.
We wrote a post about how to ignore insults and how just to let them roll off your back. It struck a chord with many people. Mainly because words can be so powerful. Words have the power to inspire and the power to hurt—a great reminder to use them wisely.
Without further ado, here is a list of the cleanest, meanest, insulting quotes for fake friends, ex-bf, ex-GF, enemies, and haters. Please share it on your Facebook or Twitter as an indirect message.
130 Insult Quotes, Insulting Sayings
Top 10 Insult Quotes
“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!” – William Shakespeare
“Yes, I insulted him; but I wanted to fight with him, and when you want to fight with people you have to insult them.” – Alexandre Dumas
“Write the insults on the sand, engrave the good they do to you on marble.” – Pierre Claude Boiste
“What ever the motive for the insult, it is always best to overlook it; for folly doesn’t deserve resentment, and malice is punished by neglect.” – Samuel Johnson
“Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you…unless you believe them. Then, they can destroy you.” – Charles F. Glassman
“What sort of example are you to your little girls? No wonder one seems to have scarpered. Who would want a mother like you?” – Jacqueline Wilson
“Oh, my brother, an insult has been put on me that is deeper than my life. For on the beach my canoe is broken, my house is burned, and in the brush a dead man lies. Every escape is cut off. You must hide us, my brother.” – John Steinbeck
“Now you are in my power, to slay or spare as I will! And I will kill you forewith, unless you kneel and yield to me, confessing yourself to be a knight of little worth.” – Roger Lancelyn Green
“O me! — you juggler! you canker-blossom! You thief of love!” – William Shakespeare
“Master Lan told me that I was too stupid to learn how to count beyond ten… He was the stupid one.” – Carole Wilkinson
Painful Insult Quotes
“Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Cordell Hull
“Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.” – G. K. Chesterton
“Monster! thy silence would incense a flint.” – Sophocles
“It’s not what people do to you, but what they mean, that hurts.” – E. M. Forster
“I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, I won’t be laid-a-hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I require the same of them.” – Glendon Swarthout
“I was wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don’t show.”
“The best part about me, is I’m not you.”
“Stupidity is not a crime, if it is, you’ll end up in jail.”
“I am just so talented. I can listen to music and ignore you at the same time.”
“How strange it is that people of honest feelings and sensibilty, who would not take advantage of a man born without arms or legs or eyes—how such people think nothing of abusing a man with low intelligence.” – Daniel Keyes
“He’s flint, you’re tinder.” – Holly Black
“I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
“It’s a fact that it is much more comfortable to be in the position of the person who has been offended than to be the unfortunate cause of it.” – Barbara Walters
“Martha: I swear…if you existed I’d divorce you…I haven’t been able to see you for years…you’re a blank, a cipher.” – Edward Albee
“Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m an asshole to you, you need to ask yourself why.”
“I said it was a brutal thing. – No, it was a human thing. You should not insult the brutes by such a misuse of that word; they have not deserved it.” – Mark Twain
“I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
“I love that super cute thing you do where you don’t text me back for hours, adorable.”
Funny Insult Quotes
“Your mom should’ve swallowed.”
“Isn’t it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?” – Sean Covey
“Is your ass jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.”
“Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong.” – Jean Jacques Rousseau
“I’m sorry you were offended when I called you a hoe. I didn’t know it was a secret.”
“Your life is useless, just like your dad’s condom.”
“I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.”
“Ignore me, I don’t care I’m used to it anyways, I’m invisible.”
“If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.”
“Your birth certificate is an apology letter from durex.”
“You sound better with your mouth closed.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
“Dogs bite sometimes, people bite at all times, with their hurtful words” – Mehmet Murat ildan
“Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?” – William Shakespeare
“You are thought here to the most senseless and fit man for the job.” – William Shakespeare
“Without stupid people like you, we would have no one to laugh at. Thank you for your contribution to society.”
“I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you think I give a shit about your feelings.”
“I can’t blab such blibber blubber! My tongue isn’t made of rubber. Mr. Knox. Now come now. Come now. You don’t have to be so dumb now …” – Dr. Seuss
“I can remove 90% of your beauty with a wet tissue.”
“I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot I only exist when you need something.”
“You should eat some make up, at least you’ll be pretty on the inside.”
“The noblest revenge is to forgive.” – Thomas Fuller
“If you don’t like me, take a map, get a car, drive to hell. Have a nice trip.”
“I don’t hate you but I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.”
Insult Revenge Quotes
“Zombies eat brains, don’t worry, you’re safe.”
“You’re so ugly, when you were born your mom said What a treasure and your dad said Lets go bury it.”
“Sometimes being old is used as an insult, which is bizarre because, if you’re lucky, that’s literally going to happen to you. It’s a strange thing to gloat about: being born recently.” – Ricky Gervais
“Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.”
“Social media has become a high school playground where the challenge is what idiot can come up with the best insult, and do you end up congratulating them for it?” – David Draiman
“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.’ This is a lie. What we say matters. The unkind things we communicate can soil the best of relationships; even with the deepest of regrets…what lingers is a stain of hurt that may fade but will never truly go away. The wounding words we say are like feathers released in a harsh wind, once said; we will never get them back.” – Jason Versey
“The critic insults the author: this is called criticism. The author insults the critic: this is called insult.” – Henry de Montherlant
“Somewhere out there is a tree working hard to replace the oxygen you wasted, now go apologize to it.”
“He had lost the Minnow to her rightful and unpleasant owner; he would have to go ashore and fight the owner for calling him a thief, and, as he was the smaller boy, he would probably be beaten.” – Philippa Pearce
“Happy are they that hear their detractions, and can put them to mending.” – William Shakespeare
“Go, consort With friends who like a madman for their mate.” – Sophocles
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had the authority to judge me. Who are you? God.”
“When your parents dropped you off at pre school, they were arrested for littering.”
“Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown, blame yourself for going to the circus.”
“Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.”
“We can do our family members down as much as we like. But the second an outsider insults them our blood seethes. At the end of the day I don’t like him- but I love him. And I see my own failures in him.” – Lucy Foley
“Thou art a very ragged Wart.” – William Shakespeare
“If you are not offending people who ought to be offended, you’re doing something wrong.” – Noam Chomsky
“I am never bored; to be bored is an insult to one’s self.” – Jules Renard
“He who is affected by an insult is infected by it.” – Jean Cocteau
“I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself I never knew.”
“If lying was a job, I know some people who would be billionaires.”
“Envy is an insult to oneself.” – Yevgeny Yevtushenko
“Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.”
“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.” – Auliq Ice
“As soon as they saw Dinah and Dorinda, they all shouted at once, ‘Balloons, balloons, balloons! Look at the big balloons!‘” – Eric Linklater
“Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today.”
“I would love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as your own genetics.”
Insult Quotes For Haters
“You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt.” – Jojo Moyes
“You are like the first piece of bread, everybody touches you but no one wants you.”
“Oh I didn’t realize you’re an expert in my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.”
“Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.” – Douglas Adams
“Run away from an insult but don’t chase after honor.” – Yiddish proverb
“When someone tells you that you have done something that has hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” –
“You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
“You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
“And she said I was no gentleman, and refused to tell me. So as she wouldn’t confess, of course I arrested her, and to be on the safe side I also arrested everybody else in the shop, and the Baby into the bargain.” – Eleanor Farjeon
“An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult.” – Philip Stanhope
“What do you think she wants with a scratched, broken, cheap toy like you? Do you expect to come and live in her playhouse with us? Look round you and think again!” – Ursula Moray Williams
“Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something.”
“Excuse me miss, you’ve got a bit of face on your make up.”
“I would like to confirm that I do not care.”
“You have a face only a mother could love. I bet she tells you you’re special too.”
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
“An honest man speaks the truth, though it may give offense; a vain man, in order that it may.” – William Hazlitt
“Charlotte did not like being called standoffish much. But it was so difficult when she was only here every other day. Often she did not know what had happened, what was going on, and she was afraid of showing it, of saying things that might make everyone suspicious.” – Penelope Farmer
“Caius is a dumbbell.” – Henry Winterfeld
“I’m sorry that my forced apology sounded insincere, I’ll try to make it more convincing next time.”
“If common sense is common why are you without it.”
“I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
Best Reply For Insult Quotes
“Offspring of endless Night, thou hast no power O’er me or any man who sees the sun.” – Sophocles
“I canna tell whether ya mean to compliment my virility Sassenach, or insult my morals, but I dinna care much for either suggestion. Murtaugh told me women were unreasonable, but Jesus God.” – Diana Gabaldon
“Not to be loved is a misfortune, but it is an insult to be loved no longer.” – Montesquieu
“I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair, I don’t like your lies.”
“I’m sorry if I behaved in a way that made you think I should apologize but I won’t because I know I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
“Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control.”
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and you, I would shoot you twice.”
“I’m sorry, but were you dropped on your head as an infant?” – Kathryn Stockett
“Bitch, I’d kick you in the V, but I’m afraid I’d lose my shoe.”
“I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time.”
“Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right.” – Ricky Gervais
“It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”
“The way to procure insults is to submit to them. A man meets with no more respect than he exacts.” – William Hazlitt
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
“It is in the very nature of the best sort of joke to be the worst sort of insult if it is not taken as a joke.” – G. K. Chesterton
“I’m sorry for what I said when I wanted you to disappear.”
“I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
“The most bitter insult one can offer to a Londoner is “bastard”, which, taken for what it means, is hardly an insult at all.” – George Orwell
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it’s still on the list.”
“I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.”
“Birdbrain, thought Mrs. Frisby, and then recalled what her husband used to say: The size of the brain is no measure of its capacity. And well she might recall it, for the crow’s head was double the size of her own.” – Robert C. O’Brien
“I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.” – William F. Buckley, Jr.
“If I be waspish, best beware my sting.” – William Shakespeare
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
“Go to; have your lath glued within your sheath Till you know better how to handle it.” – William Shakespeare
“Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.” – Muhammad Ali
“Forgive those that insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted. But more than this…forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.” – Unknown
“I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse.”
In Conclusion
Sarcasm is the best way to get back at someone you hate or quarrel with.
But sometimes, sarcastic quotes and funny insulting remarks strengthen the bond between friends because friendship comprises laughter, fun, jokes, and comfort. Hurling a clean joke at your best friend might even bring a smile to their face because they’ll know who their real and dear friend is.