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140 Stupid Quotes to Make You Laugh

140 Stupid Quotes

Top 10 Stupid Quotes

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Benard Shaw

“The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paintbrush.” – Sylvester Stallone

“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.” – Ludwig Wittgenstein

“There is no sin except stupidity.” – Oscar Wilde

“I love them. Love them. I think the more positive approach you have to smoking, the less harmful it is.” – Sienna Miller

“Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment.” – Horace

“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” – Mitt Romney

“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.” – Habeeb Akande

I’m Stupid Quotes

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“If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”

“If pessimism is despair, optimism is cowardice and stupidity. Is there any need to choose between them?” – Francis Parker Yockey

“I mean, if a female Dalai Lama come, then she must be very attractive. Otherwise not much use.” – Dalai Lama

“Stupidity is not a crime. you’re free to go.”

“Those who laugh last thinks slowest.”

“No, no, I didn’t go to England, I went to London.” – Paris Hilton

“A stupid man-the most dangerous animal of all.” – Ariana Franklin

“People don’t care how much we know until they first know how much we care.” – Zig Ziglar

“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” – Zig Ziglar

“Knock knock who’s there? a broken pencil. a broken pencil who? never mind it’s pointless.”

“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.” – Edith Sitwell

“I started the week with a big box of patience. The box is empty now.”

“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”

“We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.”

“The top salesperson in the organization probably missed more sales than 90% of the sales people on the team, but they also made more calls than the others made.” – Zig Ziglar

“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” – Christina Aguilera

I’m Not Stupid Quotes

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“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’” – Conan O’Brien

“Now I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.” – Lena Dunham

“My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch

“Don’t blame yourself. Let me do it!”

“It’s a proven fact that it’s the sweetest sound to a person’s ear is the sound of their own name.” – Dale Carnegie

“After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’” – Ronnie Shakes

“Stupid people do make me lose my temper and most people are stupid, fortunately for me. It’s made it easier for me to make a living.” – Albert Gubay

“Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it’s naturally.” – Shaquille O’Neal

“If a cricketer, for example, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?” – Prince Philip, ‘Duke Of Edinburgh’

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar

“I can eat a man, but I’m not sure of the fibre content.” – Jenny Éclair

“The downside of playing dumb is that you sound dumb.” – Rachel Maddow

“Make it idiot proof and someone will create a better idiot.”

“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” – Chuck Nevitt

“Stupid is as stupid does.”

“It is better to be poor and walk-in integrity than to be stupid and speak lies.” – Bible

“If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have the courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.” – Antonin Scalia

Feeling Stupid Quotes

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“On the internet you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”

“Make yourself look really stupid so you don’t feel bad doing something a little stupid.” – Mark Hoppus

“Bill Dickey is teaching me his experience.” – Yogi Berra

“Sometimes i listen to the stranger’s conversation and mentally give my opinion.”

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” – Dale Carnegie

“No matter how smart you are, you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.”

“We are in danger of destroying ourselves by our greed and stupidity. We cannot remain looking inwards at ourselves on a small and increasingly polluted and overcrowded planet.” – Stephen Hawking

“I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe looked fabulous, but I’d kill myself if I was that fat. I went to see her clothes in the exhibition, and I wanted to take a tape measure and measure what her hips were. (laughter) She was very big.” – Elizabeth Hurley

“There are more airplanes in the water than there are submarines in the sky.”

“What did one cat say to the other cat…Nothing cats don’t talk. Meow.” – Anonyous

“I guess I’m gonna fade into Bolivian” – Mike Tyson

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes

“Unintelligent people always look for a scapegoat.” – Ernest Bevin

“To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.” – George Bernard Shaw

“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.” – Alice Walker

“I didn’t like the idea of being foolish, but I learned pretty soon that it was essential to fail and be foolish.” – Daniel Day-Lewis

“Speakers who talk about what life has taught them never fail to keep the attention of their listeners.” – Zig Ziglar

“I thought Europe was a country.” – Kellie Pickler

“When a stupid man is doing something, he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.” – George Bernard Shaw

“What is the only flaw of being intelligent?…that you have to deal with stupid people.”

“I’ll tell you why [religion’s] not a scam. In my opinion, all right? Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can explain why the tide goes in…” – Bill O’reilly

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” – Oscar Wilde

“If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society.” – Jaden Smith

“Most people would sooner die than start to think. In fact – they do so.” – Bertrand Russell

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

“Support bacteria, they are the only culture some people have.”

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.” – Napoleon Hill

“I’ve been noticing gravity since I was very young.” – Cameron Diaz

“It costs to be stupid. The stupider you are, the more it costs.” – Sherrill Brown

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” – Carl Sagan

“It is true that integrity alone won’t make you a leader, but without integrity you will never be one.” – Zig Ziglar

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” – Martin Luther King Jr

“We’re definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don’t know into which religion.” – David Beckham

“A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.” – Bertrand Russell

“Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.” – Madonna

“I fear one day I’ll meet God; he’ll sneeze and I won’t know what to say.”

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”

“I think if we tell people that the brain is an app, they will start using it.”

“God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve eating apples. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.” – Carl Everett

Stupid Quotes That Make No Sense

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“I’ve been on foodstamps and welfare. Anybody help me out? No.” – Craig T. Nelson

“The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.”

“Someone comes to my house and asks me, “Where do you live?” it is at these moments question the intelligence of the human race.”

“If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump?” – Kelly Osbourne

“So, we were given a 50-page assignment to write an essay on save trees. Photocopied in 10 places.”

“My Aunt is having a daughter, hope it is a girl.”

“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.” – Jessica Simpson

“If being awesome was a crime, I would be serving a life sentence.”

“The problem with the world is that everyone does not have a brain, but everyone does have a tongue.” – Raheel Farooq

“Stupidity makes you dangerous–to yourself and everyone around you.” – Jennifer Lee Carrell

“Action is the real measure of intelligence.” – Napoleon Hill

“I’m very cleaver, made a hole in my fridge door to ensure light goes off when I close it.”

“Old people at weddings always poke me and say you’re next so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.”

“When asked what political party he’d support if he was old enough to vote, Bieber responded: “I’m not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.” – Justin Bieber

“Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.” – Michael Crichton

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it is hard to pronounce.”

“The problem with educating stupid people was that they didn’t know they were stupid. The same went for curing crazy people.” – Chuck Palahniuk

“Evil isn’t the real threat to the world. stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it’s a hell of a lot more common. what we really need is a crusade against stupid. that might actually make a difference.” – Jim Butcher

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” – Brooke Shields

“Asked whether he supported gay marriage, Arnold replied, “No, I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

“It isn’t pollution that is hurting the environment, it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” – Dan Quayle

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” – Gustave Flaubert

“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”

“I am urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters, particularly, to not let their young children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was.” – Geraldo Rivera

“Whatever it is — I didn’t do it!”

“Until you’re ready to look foolish, you’ll never have the possibility of being great.” – Cher

“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.” – Elbert Hubbard

“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa” – Britney Spears

“A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.”

“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” – Bob Thaves

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.” – Bill Vaughan

“To Rihanna “Chris Brown Beat You Because You’re Not Pretty Enough” – Amanda Bynes

“I actually don’t like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don’t. I do not like to think at all.” – Kanye West

“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” – Mark Twain

“It is an obvious and blatant stupidity beyond my ability to articulate how dumb it is for us not to teach our children how to run the government.” – Richard Dreyfuss

Stupid Quotes About Love

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“It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.” – Jerome K. Jerome

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.” – Walt Disney

“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”

“My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.” – Jon Bon Jovi

“When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you’re holding is a half-eaten sandwich.” – Violet Matters

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

Stupid Quotes For Friends

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“Kim on her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries: “I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.” – Kim Kardashian

“He’s a guy who gets up at 6 a.m. regardless of what time it is.” – Lou Duve

“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!”

“I can only please one person a day. today isn’t your day. tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”

“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”

“Scientists say the world is made of protons, neutrons and electrons. they forgot to mention morons.”

“If you don’t understand my silence how will you understand my words?”

“Most of us would be upset if we were accused of being ‘silly.’ But the word ‘silly’ comes from the old English word ‘Selig,’ and its literal definition is ‘to be blessed, happy, healthy and prosperous.’” – Zig Ziglar

“Nice perfume. Do you have to marinade in it?”

Originally published November 20, 2021, updated November 20, 2021

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